


Won't Back Down

by DigiConjurer



Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [43]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Face Punching, Falcon Punch, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Kinda, M/M, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), War, chapter 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22809496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiConjurer/pseuds/DigiConjurer
Summary: In which Count Varley gets his just deserts.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Claude von Riegan, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1463725
Kudos: 9





	Won't Back Down

I don't own Fire Emblem.

* * *

While that mess of a 'Cafe' occurred with Byleth and the Black Eagles, our attention turns to the rest of Gareg Mach.

More specifically, we come to the main gathering spot in this school - the mess hall. Or cafeteria if you're not in some kind of army or something. At the moment, love is in the air.

"Want to go out on a da-" Sylvain started, the thrust of a spear coming far too close for comfort bringing an end to this age-old question from our flirt. "A 'no' would work just as well here."

The person in question getting asked out pulled their spear out of the floor, gaze shifting (reluctantly) back to Sylvain.

“You don’t quite get the message otherwise.” they answered, spear getting hung back to their side for the moment. But Sylvain wasn’t listening for the moment. No, his focus was on the outside of the mess hall. While peaceful for the moment, that was unlikely to stay. 

"Urgent message! Urgent message!" a voice screamed out, what looked to be a scout charging head-on into the building. Out of breath and bleeding, it's unlikely he'll make it through to see another day.

"Of what?" Dimitri announced and got up from his seat. Claude was right behind, giving the Blue Lion's house leader a little space. Just enough to get off a shot should things go south.

"Count Varley! He's marching right for Gareg Mach to take it." the scout croaked out, blood exiting his mouth after speaking. That ain't good. "You gotta… stop him. He'll take every last one of your virginity. "

Collapsing to the ground, our heroes turn their attention to each other. As big of a surprise this may possibly be for them, none of them actually knew who this 'Count Varley' person was in the first place. Fair enough, it's not as if the surrounding territories sent people to introduce how they were unless we're counting students in this same boat. I wouldn't. Though, one would assume the expectation is that you don't invade Gareg Mach.

So Claude turned his attention to his fellow house leader. While it would be better to have Edelgard and the Black Eagles here as well, they were out on a mission. A supposedly very important mission with orders directly from Rhea herself or something. Too late to abort that.

"How do you want to do this?" Claude whispered, his companion scanning the room. Currently, a majority of the Golden Deer and Blue Lions houses were here. The few that weren't were 'hopefully' nearby. But that didn't account for the other teachers and faculty.

"I'll go warn Seteth and grab any stragglers." Dimitri answered, Claude nodding. His attention turned to his fellow classmates, smile forming on his face.

"You heard the man! I'm in charge." Claude announced and was already sieged by another set of eyes - they came from the head of a purple-haired guy. What was his name again? Right, Lorenz. Always announcing his name like he was some kind of Ferdinand von Aegir wannabe. Though, Ferdinand’s hair wasn’t as nice as Lorenz's. Even smelled like a mix of lilacs and roses. Always a plus in his book. "Let me guess, Lorenz. You object to my leadership capabilities?"

Lorenz stood up, clearing his throat in the process.

"Of course." he answered, gaze fixed on Claude. Of course Dimtri would go with him of all people. Why couldn’t he see that he Lorenz von Gloucester was a far more capable at leading both the commoners and nobles into battle against a fellow noble. Not this sniveling brat. If he didn't have that fancy crest and name, "Unless you have a scheme for times such as this, I've already formulated a plan on how to deal with this… 'Count Varley' character."

Claude rolled his eyes. 

"Then tell me your plan then." Claude countered, notebook coming out. A pencil is right behind. Oh dear. This is going to get ugly.

"We release all of our horses and wyverns as a distraction. Then have our best fighters hold the front line while we get our mages in position - especially Lysithea…"

Upon saying her name, silence fell over the mess hall. With Jeritza's death, no one had seen the little mage. Someone was getting her food. But who exactly remained unknown at the moment. Even their teacher - Manuela, had somehow been even less consistent in this last week alone than she had in the last couple months they had her as their teacher. Which meant classes with Bartholomew of all people. It's a little bizarre getting your lessons taught at the stables from a wyvern that can speak your language. But that's beyond the point.

"Anything else?" Claude continued, a glare looking to serve as Lorenz's initial response to the house leader's question.

"Once everyone is in position, we'll strike Count Varley down and hold him captive till someone from the Adrestiqn Empire can come and decide what to do with him." Lorenz finished, the sound of pencil echoing through with each word spoken. "Is that clear?"

Nods across the mess hall.

"Thanks, Lorenz." Claude announced and motioned for Dedue and Raphael to come over. "Can I trust you two to get all the horses, wyverns and other creatures out?"

Both students headed off, Lorenz resisting every urge in his body to lash out at the house leader.

"At least credit me for your plan." Lorenz muttered, Claude already exiting the mess hall. Everyone else monus him was following eight behind. Except Lorenz, of course.

.

Back with Dimitri, things were going… alright. Luck had been on his side for once, bringing the first straggler nearby.

He was expecting resistance, sure. The person in question was not the one the one he had hoped to find. They were second on that list to be exact. If nothing else, they could at least cut him some slack. You know, since there's an army coming this way and stuff.

But Felix just had to be difficult. That went without saying in regards to most activities. But this was on a whole different level at the moment. Sure, this could be the result of a lack of a proper breakfast. Well, that would be his first guess. As for what his second guess would be, that was some kind of personal issue related to Sylvain. That was much more complicated. He had meant to ask the flirt what was up with them. Or would’ve, had Count Varley decided that today was when he was going to come to invade the academy. It can wait. Especially as Felix made quick work of a training dummy.

"Come on, there's a whole bunch of people ready to be taken on." the house leader explained, Felix rolling his eyes. Are words too hard here? If they are, can I suggest texting? That works just as well in these situations. Or perhaps you can make various hand signals. The options are nearly endless. You just need to take that step. Or not, and remain with your vocal communication and it's antiquated methods.

“Why the hell should I help with this problem, boar?” Felix screeched, trying his best to not look at Dimitri. Why the hell did the future king of the Kingdom have to be so hot? Why couldn’t be an ugly bugger who spent their time in the basement rather than a guy walking about like he came from one of those Dusney movies? And now he wanted him to go and take on a bunch of unsightly barbarians masquerading as supposed nobles? If this was something like an actual proper outing, sure. But no, Dimitri just had to walk up to him and be all like 'Felix, help me'. With that sort of delivery, no. He was just going to continue with his practice.

“I’ll tell your dad that you’re sorry for the things you’ve said to him.” Dimitri countered, getting a look from his classmate. Rolling his eyes, he stuck out his tongue. A sigh followed. That threat was empty at best, at worst… pathetic.

"Felix?"

A hobo with dark blue hair approached, Felix already pointing his sword towards them. A dark green cloak covered his body, making the stupidly extravagant cloak even more of a tripping hazard. Like seriously, take that fucking thing off. You look silly. Like a clown. Yeah, a clown hobo.

"Rodrigue?" Dimitri called out, the hobo shifting his attention over to him. Did get a stink eye from Felix. Yet, he ignored it.

"I heard about Count Varley's attack."” Rodrigue announced, sword coming out and at the ready. “He will not be allowed on these grounds if me and my troops have anything to say ab-”

Felix went in for a slap. Kind of uncalled for at the moment. Especially with him coming all this way to help in fending off Count Varley. The least you can do is hear whatever he has to say. Oh, and not be an asshole. Simple and straightforward. Sadly, Azama couldn’t learn that. I wouldn’t call it a loss per a say, but still absolutely, totally ‘tragic’.

“So now’s the moment you decide to show your fucking face to everyone?!” Felix screamed, already winding up for a second strike on this ‘noble’ hobo. “Never for my birthdays, Christmas's and all the other events! But it’s this. Some seige by some stupid piece of shit is the one fucking time you decide to show your stupid fucking face. Give me one good reason not to shishkebab you, dad!”

Rodrigue rolled his eyes.

“I’m not Gilbert.” he answered, walking towards the front gate. Silence. Try as Felix might, the words just couldn’t come to him. While he had hoped for a far better answer at the time, this felt… hollow. Like he had just blown off.

“I hope he gives you a fucking blowjob then!” Felix countered and headed off in that same direction.

.

Back over at the stables, Dedue and Raphael were already hard at work letting out the horses and pegasi.

"Have you worked with animals before?" Raphael inquired, Dedue giving his teammate a nod. While this was the first time working with the brute, he seemed nice enough. Whether it would stay that way remained to be seen.

"Mostly cattle in Duscur." Dedue answered, memories within surging forth. Within, he pushed it back. That rage could be saved for when that Count's troops arrived. Then, punching. Lots of punching. But for now, his focus was back on Raphael. 

"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it." Raphael explained and got a nod from his companion. Walking over to the nearest gate, his fist met that of the lock. The lock didn't win that battle. Not one bit.

Horses and pegasi flooded out, confused by what the fuck was going on. Dedue followed suit, what looked to be a donkey of all creatures followed right. Which looked to be all the creatures here. Which just breaks

“Where are the wyverns?” Raphael announced, pointing to what one would assume to be the wyvern stables. Except it wasn’t. “Bartholomew, where the heck are you? You owe me for those mozzarella sticks!”

Dedue looked over to his companion. While he heard of the recent Golden Deer party, he wasn’t entirely sure why they would invite Bartholomew of all people. Sure, sometimes he got invited to parties. But the retainer had a sneaking suspicion that was so that Dimitri wouldn’t have a tantrum. Though, it has been quite a long time since he had seen his highness actually cry. But that didn’t matter at the moment. No, their focus needed to be on creating havoc as Count Varley approached. Would probably help if they had some clue on how close he was, but that’s not something asked for lightly.

‘I here!” Batholomew announced, horse casually trotting over to the pair. “What can do for you?”

Raphael looked over to Dedue. Getting a shrug from his companion, our brute is right back to looking at Bartholomew.

“We need you to gather your friends and distract the incoming invaders.” Raphael explained, getting a confused look in return. I would too if I was just asked to gather my friends and ask them to rush head-on towards the bad guys. “Could you do that for us?”

Bartholomew turned to his horse, whispering into its ear. The horse nodded and kicked the dirt. Not sure what that's supposed to mean. Then it's back over to Raphael and Dedue.

"Me do the best."

The horse shot off, the flapping of wings following. Both horse and wyvern ascended up into the air, shooting off towards the far edge of the academy.

.

No. We’re not giving this fucker any chance to be in the spotlight. I get we’re supposed to give everyone their chance in the sun and all, but he’s probably going to go on about how no one understands him and that he deserves to fuck as many womans he can get his semen-covered hands on. Seriously, is there anyone else we can go to for the moment that’s not Count Varley?

Fine.

Count Varley was currently enjoying having his brains fucked out by what I can only assume to be some underaged woman. Actually expecting him to wait for them to become of age is too hard when you’re dick is already in their personal space and engaging in acts of rape. No sugarcoating. That’s what he is doing at this current moment. No sign of a wedding ring, even as the woman is flung out of the room. Fuck Count Varley.

Right after, what looked to be a soldier entered. Wait. Were in a vehicle of some sorts. Of course this fucker decides to arrive via vehicle. Because of course he does.

“Sir, we’re nearing Gareg Mach.” the grunt announced and Mr Varley sat his cum-covered groin up. Then it’s time for pants. Because screw underwear for some reason.

“Wonderful.” that sick fuck announced and grabbed what looked to be a bow… with dildo arrows. Oh for fuck sake. Could you try to be subtle? Oh wait. That would be too fucking hard.

.

Back in the academy, we come upon Dimitri once more. This time, he’s gone by drone to the second floor to find Rhea. Since you know, she was absolutely helpful with that whole maid cafe. Not.

“How may I help you?” Seteth inquired, looking up from the papers he was working on. Was kind of expecting coloring pages and not… actual documents. I know that shouldn't be a surprise and all, but nearly none of the management of Gareg Mach seems to make any sense.

"We're being invaded." Dimitri announced, Rhea poking her head over. Though, that doesn’t explain why she was munching down on paper of all things. “Miss Rhea, are you… okay?”

Rhea nodded, gulping down her meal of possible documents. Or would those be written prayers? Maybe even blank paper.

“Of course, Prince Dimitri.” Rhea answered and picked up what looked to be more papers. “I’m currently eating the prayers of Count Varley. Want some?”   
Uh… Are you entirely sure you should be doing that? Unless your paper has some actual nutrients in it, you’re just going to make yourself sick. And for as much as we don’t like you, that’s the least that we want to see happen to you. We would rather something more climatic. I don’t know, maybe you turn out to be related to Byleth in some strange, macabre way and she goes to battle against you. Something like that.

“I’ll pass.” Dimitri explained, pushing away the offered paper for the moment. Rhea accepted the gesture and stuffed it down. “Would you help us with repelling Count Varley?”

Rhea stopped mid-bite, what sounded like a muffled sigh exiting her lips. Gulping down her second meal, a chuckle followed.

“Maybe.” she announced and got a look from Seteth. Yet, she just rolled her eyes and let what focus that was on display split itself between her subordinate and the house leader of the Blue Lions. “Should things truly go south, then maybe. Just maybe I’ll help.”

Upon hearing that, Seteth walked on out. No response back, just the sound of a whistle. Then a very confused wyvern flying on in. Via a drone of all things. Okay. That just begs so many questions. First off, where the heck did that wyvern get itself a drone. Secondly, just how much weight can those drones carry in the first place? And finally, why the fuck is this wyvern in particular allowed to fast travel?!

“Fa- Brother!” Flayn announced, charging right after. Of course, Rhea swooped in and grabbed her before she really had a chance to follow her ‘brother’. Okay, wonder what kind of relationship those two have.

“I’ll babysit her. How about that?” Rhea announced, getting what looks to be a reluctant nod from Dimitri. Which he also took as his cue to make his exit. But not without shooting Rhea one last glance. Just in case.

.

With that 'hopefully' out of the way, we turn to Lysithea of all people. Hard at work having a tea party, of course. A short reprieve in her childish as ever apartment. Not that this is a bad thing. 

Since we've last checked in on the mage, she looked to be in better spirits. Not that this was saying much. Anything was perhaps better than the situation she was in earlier this month.

"Lysithea dear?" Manuela called out, her adopted daughter heading over. For as big as Lysithea's apartment was, the distance between rooms was small. Made things more intimate. Or something along those lines.

"Yes, mommy?" Lysithea called out, Manuela standing up. She walked over to her nightstand and picked up what looked to be a first aid kit. "I'm guessing you're going to need to go?"

Manuela nodded. Part of her wished that this didn't need to happen. But that was perhaps asking too much from the world. 

"Yes, dear." the songstress explained and clipped the bag to her side. Looking back to Lysithea, she found the little mage already heading to her room. Sure, she had spent a good chunk of time in her apartment getting things in order with Manuela's help. In the meantime, there had been some practice with stones. Not much, but enough to show Lysithea that Manuela was way out of her element when it came to stones. Kind of expected when you consider the profession she came from and all.

Yet, that doesn't stop the little mage from slipping out of her currently infantile clothes and into her officer uniform. Still fit her, even after the couple rounds it went through via the washing machine.

"Mo- Manuela, why are there two maid dresses in my closet?" she called out, Manuela making her way in. Examining the contents of the closet, she did a double take. Phone coming out, the beep for text messages following.

"It doesn't matter for the moment, dear." Manuela muttered, picking up what looked like a sword. Hanging it opposite of her bag, her gaze returned to Lysithea. "Is there anything else you need to grab, dear?"

Lysithea shook her head, digging out a stone from her own pouch. Hopefully she has enough for this coming battle. If not, improvise.

Heading back towards the front, our pair was treated to knocking of all sounds. Manuela grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open. There we find Claude, waiting patiently. 

"There you are." he muttered, Lysithea moving away from their adopted mother. "Oh. Did something happen since I've last seen both of you?"

"Yes." Manuela answered and took a deep breath. She wasn't quite sure how much information could be disclosed at this very moment. Especially with Claude's tendency to create more trouble on the back end when he came into possession of info - juicy or not. "We will discuss it after Count Varley is dealt with."

Claude nodded, Manuela muttering something under her breath.

"I'm guessing you know him? Claude continued, getting a nod from the songstress. Exiting the apartment, they began the descent down. "I may have punched him one time for touching one of the girls. Last I heard, he's banned from even coming onto the Opera House's perimeter."

Oh my. Is it wrong to totally be able to see that? Good to see you're in agreement with me, dear.

.

As everyone else prepares for the coming arrival of Count Varley, we turn temporarily to the Black Eagles. Still in Mercedes's minivan, there was some good news to be found.

"Delivery for one Mr Hubert Vestra." a courier announced, trying their best to get the package through the small window of the vehicle. While on a motorcycle. That's currently running no less. Would it have been too hard for Mercedes to just stop the vehicle in order for Hubert to get his package?

"Thank you." Hubert remarked, taking the package off this guy's hands. Closing the window, he turned to Ferdinand. Handing the box over, the dark mage watched his boyfriend open the package up. Inside, we find a very, very long fake dick. You could use that thing as a whip. Not that one should such a gag sex toy for that purpose. Sort of like that one time that Saizo got Ryoma a dildo. It wasn't even that big of one, supposedly as a joke. But considering the rumor going around was that thing was bigger than his actual dick, I wouldn't be surprised if there was something going on between the two of them.

"Good thing this got here in time." Ferdinand remarked, a deep breath following his statement. While there was the temptation of sending a picture of the gag dick to his father, he could wait. That, and the picture wouldn't look so good. You need to wait till you've actually got the guy and you're slapping him with the thing. That's the perfect picture.

"Wonder why your dad wanted you to beat up Count Varley with his own dick?" Caspar remarked, getting a look from most of the occupants in the car. Fair enough. This was kind of kept a secret between the men. Still, it's a weird request. Especially if the person you’re asking is also your son.

“Humiliation, probably.” Linhardt chimed in, Anna’s truck coming up right beside our minivan. As tempting as it might be to get your we-

Crawling over a couple of students, Catherine made her way over to the van’s door. Trying to pull it back, the retainer found herself out of luck. So she went for the next best thing - just pressing the switch that unlocked the door. Grabbing hold of the handle, Catherine pulled it open.

“Catherine!” Mercedes screeched, trying her hardest not to crash her vehicle as a result of Catherine's stunt. Even then, you're running the risk of missing your target and getting dumped onto the road to get run over by a car unable to react. Thankfully this wasn't the case - the retainer landing safely in the bed of the truck.

“Can I have this magical weapon of mine repaired?” Catherine called out, Anna casually jumping out of the front and into the back of her vehicle. What the fuck over? That can’t be legal, but there's nothing we can do about that.

.

Back at Gareg Mach, Count Varley had finally gotten his fucks together. And by that, I mean he was actually armed and was ready to kill everyone who dared to get in his way. Bringing up a megaphone, he took a deep breath. There were no take backs when it came to this. His wife would pay for sending their daughter to this wretched place. Sure, he may have been a student of this wretched place at one point. But he had made the 'better' choice of getting discharged and showed any and all women their proper place.

Quite sad that no one in Fodlan has invented catapults or has one of those Ballistican. They could make short work of this complete assfuck and we can be done with him. Well, I wish it was at least. Wouldn't be much of a story then.

"Citizens of Gareg Mach, hand over your women or else!" Count Varley announced, the sound of stones and arrows drowning out his shitty words for the moment. Throwing the megaphone down, he went for the bow and it's stupid arrows. "Fine then."

Charging forward, he took his sweet time to notch an arrow back. Watching it fly forward, it collides with a shield. Then what looks like a flurry of arrows. Nothing special done to them. They actually look like they work, unlike shithead here. Like seriously, what possesses you to shoot dildo-tipped arrows?

Animals rampage about, wyverns swooping down to get a piece of the incoming threat. The gates to the front close and our sole gatekeeper stands vigilant. Feel kind of bad for him. The first line of defense for Gareg Mach, even more so as the students and everyone else gets into position.

"Get out of my way!" Varley announced as he approached and got a fist to the face. Following that, what looked to be a rod of a spear slammed into the stomach. “Wait. I know you.”

The Gatekeeper rolled his eyes. Even if this man somehow did, he had been standing guard of this door far longer than this fucker had been ruled of that territory. Long having lost track of the number of faces he had seen come right through. But closing his eyes for the briefest of moments, nothing seemed to come through. But considering how many different unique faces he was 

"Maybe you do." he announced, gauntlet-clad hand smashing into Varley's face once more. "I'm fairly certain you thought of yourself as quite the hot shit back into the day. Let me tell ya, you absolutely weren't then and you aren't now."

Count Varley crumpled to the ground, what looked to be cuffs getting slapped on. Wasn't expecting the gatekeeper of all people to be the one to put this fucker down. Kind of makes all those preparations useless now. Or maybe not. 

**Author's Note:**

> Been a while. In between getting hired for a part-time job and working on other projects, I've been busy.
> 
> So here's a big entry. There's going to be one more, of course. Mostly because we haven't had our dick whacking yet.
> 
> Next time, Housewife California. You check in, but you don't check out.


End file.
